Inviting a Monkey to Tea by Nancy Colier

Author:Nancy Colier
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: depression, happiness, buddhism, mindfulness, meditation, anxiety, advaita, nonduality, wellbeing, nancy colier
Publisher: Books We Live by

5. WELL-BEING: A RELATIONSHIP WITH OURSELVES

In Chinese philosophy, Tao is the word used for the absolute principle underlying the universe. The Tao combines within itself the principles of yin and yang and signifies the way or code of behavior that is in harmony with the natural order. It is said that the Tao that can be spoken is not the Tao. The words used to describe this way of behaving are only pointers, leading us to an experience of wholeness and well-being. The same can be said about well-being. All words we use to describe well-being are doomed. The essence of well-being cannot be captured by language. When turned into a concept or idea, it is corrupted and loses its essence; it becomes something other than what it is. Well-being itself can only be experienced and we know it when we are living it.

While we cannot adequately capture well-being with language, we can use words to describe what well-being feels like and what it does not. We can identify some primary ingredients in its fragrance. Webster’s dictionary lists well-being as “the state or condition of being in good mental or physical health.” Happiness, on the other hand, is defined as “showing or feeling pleasure or contentment.” This was a good foundation from which to explore further.

Asking people from all walks of life, I requested a word or two to capture the two experiences. From the field:

Well-being is health, balance, wholeness, peace, alignment, calm, okay-ness, grounded, deep, integrated, good, centered, breathing, still, compassion, not trying, not anxious, what is-ness, strength, thriving, heartiness, robust, potential, lasting, present, being.

Happiness is excitement, pleasure, delight, success, fun, positive, short-lived, sparkle, elusive, elation, energized, pleasing, right now, happening, want, desire, yes, more.

Some preferred analogies. “Happiness is a purple rose. Well- being is an oak tree.” “Happiness is a single saxophone’s high G. Well-being is the full orchestra’s middle C” (from a musician). “Happiness is a raspberry tart. Well-being is the feeling we have after a wonderful meal with good company.” “Happiness is chick lit. Well-being is The Odyssey.” From a mom, “Happiness is my daughter’s giggle when she feels the tickle of the toothbrush on her tongue. Well-being is the place in my heart where she resides.”

Clearly, well-being is different than happiness. Well-being can exist when we are not happy. It is not dependent upon our current circumstances. It is a presence that sits below the contents of our life, one that can remain steady throughout unstable conditions. Well-being is not transitory or elusive, but rather constant and reliable. It is the eternal now rather than the right now. It is the ocean out of which the waves of happiness and un-happiness arise. Well- being is a way of being as opposed to a way of doing, a state that we feel in our bodies and spirits, not something we know in our heads.

When we are well, we feel calm and unafraid. We can be in a friendly relationship with whatever experience is happening within us, even if it is painful—without the threat of it destroying us.

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